Ten years ago today Dustin and I were married. We gave our parents less than a day's notice and on a Friday evening said our vows infront of very few friends and family.
We had been dating for about two and a half years when we got married. During those years Dustin had proposed a few times to wich I gently turned him down. I felt we were to young to make that decision, and wanted to make sure that if I married him it was going to be because I loved him; not because we had a son together.
One evening after he'd come home from work and I was in the kitchen making spaghetti, he got down on one knee and proposed again. This time I could be certian I would be saying yes for the right reasons. We spent the next day at the mall looking at rings and purchased one that same day.
We began planning our (okay MY) dream wedding. It was everything I could have ever wanted and more. I had picked out my dress, put deposits down, hired the cake person, met with the florist-
all of it. One evening while discussing finances that were undoubtably tight, we decided it would be the wisest decision to move up the date.... to like next weekend. So during his lunch break on a Thursday afternoon, we drove to the court house to get the license. That evening we called a dear family friend and asked him if he'd be willing to marry us and after a good long conversation over the phone he agreed.
This is when we broke it to our parents. I didn't want to give up my dream wedding so the plan was just a quick small ceremony in my parents pack yard, and to still continue with the wedding as planned so that we could include all our family and friends. Dustin worked that morning. I went shopping for a dress (can't very well get married in shorts!)and after work we went and got Dustin a new shirt and tie. Everyone met at my parents house that evening and within an hour we were wed.
YEAR ONEWe spent the first few summer months in a small one bedroom apartment with no central air. We then moved to a two bedroom apartment I lovingly reffer to as our stinky house. That place had a stinch I could not get rid of. We spent our first year there. It was tough. We fought a lot. I think at times we both questioned wether we would make it. We were both so strong willed and had to have our way. Neither ever wanted to give. We had so much to learn about living together and being a team. By the end of that year though things came together quite a bit. Dustin got promoted from bagger to a checker and I was so proud.
YEAR TWOWe started talking about adding to our family. It was a tough tough thing we went through. After Logan being so sick that we almost lost him, and having to learn to cope with a child with such tough medical issues, and knowing the odds of it happening to our next child- I was scared. We finally decided that we could handle anything God gave us. It was also about this time that we decided to move to Utah. Dustin secured a job and moved ahead of me so I could finnish school. A few weeks later I moved out there with him. Things didn't work out and we ended up back in California. Dustin was able to get his old job back at the store with a raise and we settled down into a cute little two bedroom town house. Within our first week there we got a positive pregnancy test. After a very rough pregnancy and bedrest we were turned upside down by the stillbirth of our angel Austin. A few months later Logan was hospitalized for two weeks with a collapsed lung and severe lung infection.
YEAR THREEWhile still greiving over the loss of Austin I became pregnant again. This time a much easier pregnancy made for happier times. The pregnancy was watched much closer and I even started a part time job working retail at Baby Gap. Gavin was born a bit early and spent a few weeks in the NICU. That was a very hard time for me as well and I began thinking I'd never have a healthy baby. He grew well though and was such a great happy infant.
YEAR FOURAnother move! Rents kept rising and to save some money and make life easier we moved into a duplex across town. We loved it there. It was a small two bedroom and things were a bit cramped but it was a wonderfull neighborhood and we made great friends there. We got a surprise pregnancy that fall but right before christmas I miscarried. We decided maybe we were done having children. Gavin turned into a wild out of control toddler. Logan started kindergarten and spent a while in the hospital and had his first surgery. He recovered well though. We were happy as could be.
YEAR FIVEYear five was fairly uneventfull other than that I began working full time in childcare. Dustin had moved up a bit in the produce department and worked great hours where he was able to open most days. We became super close friends with the Lairds about this time and enjoyed many outings and camping trips and such. We also began thinking about buying our first home. We looked for a while but couldn't secure financing so put it off for a bit. We also enjoyed our wonderful make a wish vacation to Disney World.
YEAR SIXWe worked our buns off and finally bought our first home in Waterford. I loved it, but felt way too busy at work and commuting to really enjoy it. I switched jobs to a daycare in Waterford just minutes away. Life seemed great. Dustin ended up taking a job at a new store as a manager and with that came a substantial raise and more over time than one can imagine. We were asked if we'd consider fostering/adopting a baby. It seemed so right I can't even explain it. It ended up falling through and I had convinced Dustin we were meant to have just one more. After a few weeks of trying I was again pregnant (if you lost count this is #5). We loved our jobs, the pregnancy was super easy... but somewhere we started to loose touch with eachother. I don't think we even realized what was going on though. Logan got sick right when I had planned maternity leave and we spent two more weeks at UCSF. Not even a week after we got home I delivered Jacey. Things felt complete.
YEAR SEVENI thought I had it all. However it would all come tumbling down faster than I could imagine. I wasn't able to go back to work, there weren't any hours for me. Dustin lost his job and though he found another quickly, it was for much less money. We could no longer afford our mortgage though we tried. We lost a very special family member and Dustin took it all very hard. In this time he made choices he isn't proud of. I was living in a nightmare. The person I cared about most in this world... no longer cared about me. I became very ill with west nile virus. I tired working nights at a large department store to make ends meet but became to sick to work. In a last ditch effort to save the things the meant the most- I moved our family to Utah.
YEAR EIGHTThings didn't get any better this year. We both suffered from what happened but in different ways. I learned to survive on my own emotionally. Dustin learned to be honest with his feelings and emotions. But living in his Mom's basement wasn't reality and I needed to get my life more stable. We moved to a very small two bedroom duplex with our three children. Slowly the good times lasted longer than the rough ones. Eventually life settled down although I was still doing a lot of emotional work. We went back to living on a very limtied income wich was hard for me. But I learned what mattered most in life and I had everything I needed in my family.
YEARS NINE AND TENWhile Dustin really seemed to be recovered from the past two years events... I had a much harder time. Happiness eluded me and I often questioned wether I was really strong enough to over come my hurt. Logan had probably his worst lung infection yet and spent a long time in the hospital and an even longer time at home fighting an intestinal bacteria. I hated my job. The economy fell and Dutin lost his job. It was around this time we decided that maybe he should join the Army. It had so much to offer. Once the choice was made and papers were signed my mood began to shift. Somehow I began to find happiness again. While he was gone it was so hard, but I found comfort in knowing that I honestly and truely loved this man with everything I had. I started to look to the future and not always live in the past. Now that he's home we cherish eachother more than we ever did before. Things are completely different in our relationship, so much so that words really can't describe it. Every day he comes home from work is like him coming home for the first time in months all over again.
THE NEXT TEN YEARSAs we settle into our Army life here in Washington I couldn't be happier. We have gone through more than most do in a lifetime. We learned what true love is all about. And while there were times that hurt more than one can imagine, I wouldn't trade those tears for anything in this world. We are today a much happier person and couple because of those tears. I look forward to the future and all the things the next ten years will bring. Proms and college, drivers licenses and deployments, even the possibility to see a child fall in love and marry. I know there will be more tears, but things will only get better from here.
